So another day goes by.  I'm sitting in the joe computer loungage cause my computer in my room is pissed at me, as usual, and i was like hey ill go take some test on okcupid.  So i found this personailty test that is supposed to be the most scientific.  So usually i do these things in good fun and kind of see what they bring about.  This one blew me away. It totally describes me in everyway. And not only the way i view myself but the way others seem to. There even quotes in from peopel in my life (joe telling me im way to hard on myself)  Also it shows just what i want in a realitionship and one of the things that sometimes i feel is lacking in lauren and I's realtionship(don't get me wrong its still a great one, but as with all realtionships sometimes stuff is missing at times).  But ya so anyway i thought this was pretty cool.  Let me know if you think it pegged me as much as i do.  Talk at you all later.

<TD>Your type is known as the Champion type, which is part of the larger group called idealists. Nothing occurs that does not have some deep and ethical significance in your eyes. You see life as an exciting drama. You are very charismatic, yet tend to be too harsh on yourself for not being as genuine as you think you should be. 3% of the population shares your type.<BR>As a romantic partner, you need to talk about what is going on in your life. You are a strong supporter for your partner's efforts to grow and change and be happy. You need to feel that same support from your partner. Expressive, optimistic, and curious, you are eager to enjoy new experiences with your partner, whom you wish to be your confidant and soul mate, as well as play mate. You are uncomfortable sharing negative emotion, though, and tend to withdraw from confrontation and process your feelings privately. You feel most loved when your partner appreciates your creativity, accepts your uniqueness, and sees you as the compassionate person you are. You need to hear your partner tell you how much you mean to them and would love if they did thoughtful spontaneous things to demonstrate it....Crazy man im telling this is just crazy

Nick

Well its been awhile since i updated, mostly cause ive been really busy.  But, being that i had a few free mintues before class i thought id post something.  The last few weeks have been a jumble of good and bad(whats new right).  We put on the show Welcome to the Moon, it went well although we almost didn't get to do it. I think i learned alot from it, and chris and erin came up which is always a good thing.  I now know that i am getting a single room which could be both a good thing and a bad thing.  It will be nice casue im down the hall from Mike, in the same building as lauren, and well the pac is right downstairs(no more walking outside woot).  Bad part is i know have true alone time.  You may ask, why is this a bad thing?  Well the bad part is i have been in this really werid slump lately, and i honestly can't get out of it. I'm pretty much sad all the time wether i show it or not, and i have a feeling things are just going to get worse.  I get the not so suddly feeling that someone is quite upset with me.  Normally this would bother me and it does, but id get over it cause as i have said many times before freinds come and go, and in my case more seem to go then come.  But, with the way i feel right now its hitting me hard.  Everything is so fragil right now and i have lost probably the frist and maybe second of the friends i have made here(this is what happens when chris is gone, and i  have no one to talk to).  This happened becuase i think i said somethign i shouldn't have.  I don't remeber saying it, but i was venting and i may have. The main problem is i honeslty dont remeber saying what i guess was told to said person.  But, like i said if i did say something its caues i was venting trying to get ride of this slump not an excuse but the only reason i can find that i said it, but i don't remeber doing it.  So im stuck with the problem trust myself or not.  Normally i don't, i dont know i just honestly don't know if i did or didn't.  Everything is a haze.  The crying has started again, i probably need help.  I don't know.  Relationships are fragil and i tend to screw up.  Which is why when people say im a nice guy, or a good friend I disagree.  I'm not and maybe thats why im down at the moment.  I just hope i can beat this, and I hope i haven't and wont destory to many friendships this year, cuase it would be nice to have a few to go into next semester and next year with.  Though i forsee a very lonely year and half ahead of me. At this moment i miss western, and i miss the people there.  I probably fucked up two very good friendships and if i did I'm sorry i didn't mean to, I don't even no if i did.   Probalby a dumb idea but it might be time for me to go back to the way i was, quite in the shadows and let things just go. It worked in highschool for the most part.  Just be with those i know trust me, and like me, and vice verusa and just sit the next year and half out.  Or, maybe ill kick this slump im in and ill be fine. who knows all i know is theres a good chance im an asshole.  Just becuase i don't remeber saying something doesn't mean I didn't, and no one has any real reason to trust me especially when im upset.  i just wish i could remeber what i said that night, but i can't.  I can't remebver much now adays.

this is for those who are tired of hearing me bitch

things tha make me happy:

friends

pizza

video games

care bears

movies

for the most part living

warm fuzzies

and NICK BOOTH lol

later all

Pleae read at your own risk be aware im really sad and hurt, and upset right now so if your reading this i wrote in order to vent.  so keep that in mind.  Also if you comment pleae don't attack me or others who may comment

So I sit here at my computer after a really long couple of days, and a long night.  Over the last couple of nights i have been asked the same question by people at Clarke and those that aren't here.  That question is, how do i like it here?  Or the more popular are you glad you transferred?  This questoin usually brings about the same answer from me.  There are things i really like, and there are things i really miss.  For example, I really like the people in the theatre department, there a cool fun group and i have made some very good freinds.  On the other hand i really miss my freinds back at western, and i miss my instructors at western alot(they had alot of faith in me, and despite at times them  not having alot of time always were encourging).  The reason i bring up these points is because it has alot to do with my mood as of recently.  I sit here trying to find a fair way to say this so  that will not upset either party those of my friends at Clarke, or those at western, but i don't know if i can.  The semester here closes to an end.  I have had some great times, but as it closes some of those fun times seem to be ending.  Lauren and I are both stressed and are pretty much taking it out on each other, which is never a good thing in a realtionship, and at times it is taking a hit because of it.  I am confident we will get through it, so that is not the major thing.  Also people have gotten upset over the ten minute plays.  Some of the things that have arisen over them really have hurt me  All i can say is if you listen enough you can here some kind of mean inderict things said that people probalby dont intend you to hear.  But, neverless i have heard them and they hurt.  Which really brings me to my two main things that have been bothering me.  First is how much back stabbing there is in this school in general.  Realize please if your reading that if your my friend i love you, but everywhere i turn i hear things, about people i care about. and there not good.  So i pose something to all you who are reading.  Before you say you dislike someone, or "hate" someone ask yourself why.  Is it becuase they have one trait that you don't like, or maybe they communicate differently then you, or maybe its becuase they feel very passionatly about something and they say what they think or maybe they seem "concky" to you but if you really took some time to talk to them youd realize that it is the complete opsite and you are just looking for shit to pick on.  Now if what they say or how they communicat upsets you ask yourself again, if you needed something from them would they be the first to do it. If they would be, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU BEING A TOTALLY FUCKING ASSHOLE TOWARDS THEM.  Do you dislike them to fit in, cuase if thats the case GROW THE FUCK UP. Now if that person was mean to you, and hurtfull to you, then ya have a reason to dislike them.  But, seriously get to know a person before you chose whether or not you dislike them, and if you don't like what there saying or you think or what there interested in, or there being rude while there upset take a mintue to think about whats going on in there life, that may cause them to be that way.  Don't jump to conclusions and get upset cause they are. I say this becuase as i roam the halls i hear stuff about people and i stress the people this is not just one person who would in a heart beat do anything for those that are bad mouth them and making them feel like they are hated by a group, and it sucks. So in this post i leave you with this on this topic.  Next time you make fun of someone or bad mouth them while in a group of people, stop and fucking think if you needed someone would they be right there to help you and think how much you are fucking hurting a person cause they know what is being said whether you realize it or not.  It fucking hurts so stop.  Cause the people i know that are being talked about i know for a fact would help you in a heart beat.  Dont judge people becuase you think they are this one way or another.  Fucking find out for sure, instead of playing THIS FUCKING GAME OF HIGHSCHOOL BULLSHIT  OF "OH I LIKE THEM, BUT NOT THEM BECUAES OF ONE FUCKING QUALITY THAT YOU DON'T LIKE." GROW UP WE ALL HAVE THINKS WE DON'T LIKE YOU JUST FUCKING CHOSE ONE THING AND HOME IN, DON'T ITS CHILDISH AND STUPID.  So now that i have probably upset some people im sorry, but i have heard some pretty shitty stuff being said over the last month and its uncalled for cause the stuff you are saying about the person is really fucking hurtfull and they hear it, and most of  you really don't even know them.  If i offended here im sorry, but stuff like this is my biggest pet peve, if someone is an ass, and mean and a jerk then bad mouth them, if they just kind of get on your nervous some times get the fuck over it, don't bad mouth them to fit in, unless your a sixteen year old highschooler.  The next thing is more of a feeling i have. As i have said i do love the people in this department(i know after the above rant peopepl may hate me now) mike, nick, tom, holly ect.  have all been amazing people and been great freinds and i thank them for that.  But i have this contintueing feeling that the teachers here really don't like me.  Bobby and Ellen being main ones.  I just feel so out of place with them. Like i have done something to upset them.  I didn't mean to but i really feel that way.  And as much as i love the department, teachers and students, if they dislike me its going to be a long year and a half.  Now i could be very wrong, and due to my current mood this may not be true, but i just get that feeling.  It was always funny cause at western i had the oppsite feeling that the peopel didn't like me, but the teachers did.  I have just begun to feel really out of place, and im feeling really down now becuase of it.  It could be the fact that im very stressed, people around me are and its just a contiunes cycle i don't know, but ya. I dont' know what to do.  I just really want to go home, and in honesty as dumb as this is im in tears as i right this.  I feel really alone right now, and i don't know what to do.  I feel very angry, hurt, sad and so much more.  I feel like im always on a slip of losing new freinds here, and who knows after this post i might(i usually think after a post i will).  But i had to say some of this because its killing me inside.  When i hear things being said that i know are so hurtfull, and i know the person and or people they are being directed at, are hearing them, that hurts even more.  Im very protective of my freinds and ill do just about anything for them.  So when they are hurt i hurt. Its so stupid that this petty highschool stuff is happing, and people are really getting hurt becuase of it.  So if you read this and you are one of those peopel who are saying cruel things(im not trying to impluye any certain person who read this is, please don't take it that way, but this is public so anyone can read it that is why i say this), please stop and think what you may be doing to a person. And how much you  may be hurting them.  And, if your a good person which deep down i belive most are, you will stop cuase its not fair.  So this is whats wrong with. me.  I;m tired and sad becuase im comforting people due to curlity that is petty and stupid, and jeus im in fucking tears. I'm such a fucking douche.  I don't even no if i made any sense here but im just going to end this because i don't know what to say.  I am very sorry if I offended, i just don't know anymore I'm just really sad right now.